1 00:00:00,870 --> 00:00:02,831 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:02,875 --> 00:00:04,924 - Good morning. - Bad morning. 3 00:00:04,968 --> 00:00:08,369 I just found a gray chest hair. It's so depressing. 4 00:00:08,412 --> 00:00:10,984 You know, I went to bed young, I woke up Ari Onassis. 5 00:00:13,121 --> 00:00:14,995 Jackie! Get on the boat! 6 00:00:17,567 --> 00:00:18,700 You know, I'm gonna have to see it. 7 00:00:18,744 --> 00:00:20,967 Uh, later, when I'm less vulnerable. 8 00:00:21,011 --> 00:00:23,627 - Will, it's one chest hair. - I only have seven. 9 00:00:23,671 --> 00:00:24,499 I don't like those odds. 10 00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:28,946 Listen to me, pops. This isn't about the chest hair. 11 00:00:28,989 --> 00:00:30,341 It's about your birthday next week. 12 00:00:30,384 --> 00:00:32,782 No, it's about the chest hair. 13 00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:35,442 Okay, 90% chest hair, 10% birthday. 14 00:00:35,485 --> 00:00:37,534 70% birthday, 30% chest hair. 15 00:00:37,577 --> 00:00:38,580 - Eighty-twenty. - Sixty-forty. 16 00:00:38,624 --> 00:00:40,411 Fifty-fifty's my final offer. 17 00:00:40,455 --> 00:00:41,719 Sold to the alte kacker in the kitchen. 18 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:47,169 So, what do you want to do this year? 19 00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:48,869 I want you to have a fun birthday. 20 00:00:48,913 --> 00:00:52,051 Grace, you know me. I've never really been that into birthdays. 21 00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:53,969 That's not true. I've seen all your home movies. 22 00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:55,059 You've had some fun birthdays. 23 00:00:55,103 --> 00:00:56,499 Remember the one where your brothers 24 00:00:56,542 --> 00:00:57,893 dressed you up in your mom's clothes? 25 00:00:57,937 --> 00:01:00,291 That seemed like a fun birthday. 26 00:01:00,335 --> 00:01:01,774 Yeah. That-- that wasn't a birthday. 27 00:01:01,817 --> 00:01:04,128 That was, um... like a Thursday. 28 00:01:08,182 --> 00:01:11,669 So glad my dad captured that one on film. 29 00:01:11,713 --> 00:01:14,460 The only worse thing on film was my eighth birthday party. 30 00:01:14,503 --> 00:01:15,811 You didn't see this one. 31 00:01:15,854 --> 00:01:17,947 I really wanted a cowboy party, 32 00:01:17,991 --> 00:01:19,255 you know, like a cowboy cake? 33 00:01:19,299 --> 00:01:21,392 I really loved cowboys. 34 00:01:21,435 --> 00:01:22,525 Still do, by the way. 35 00:01:24,661 --> 00:01:27,103 You don't have to tell me. I've seen the magazines. 36 00:01:29,195 --> 00:01:32,422 But no, no, no. My mom gave me a clown party. 37 00:01:32,465 --> 00:01:35,124 Ugh. I hate clowns. They think they're so funny. 38 00:01:37,522 --> 00:01:40,618 I just fake-smiled my way through the whole thing, 39 00:01:40,661 --> 00:01:43,582 and then when I realized there wasn't gonna be a cowboy cake, 40 00:01:43,626 --> 00:01:46,285 I snuck up to my room and hid. 41 00:01:46,328 --> 00:01:49,118 Oh, Will. That's so... 42 00:01:49,162 --> 00:01:50,513 "Party Of Five." 43 00:01:52,955 --> 00:01:55,004 So what do you want to do this year? 44 00:01:55,047 --> 00:01:57,271 Uh, why not just-- Let's go to a restaurant. 45 00:01:57,315 --> 00:01:58,666 You know, nothing big, something mellow. 46 00:01:58,709 --> 00:02:00,366 You, me, and Jack. 47 00:02:00,410 --> 00:02:01,936 Hm. 48 00:02:01,979 --> 00:02:04,508 - What was that? - Nothing. 49 00:02:04,551 --> 00:02:06,339 - You made a face. - Face? 50 00:02:06,382 --> 00:02:08,606 Hello? I'm standing right here within face-viewing range. 51 00:02:10,132 --> 00:02:12,050 Okay, I don't think Jack likes me. 52 00:02:12,093 --> 00:02:14,709 [scoffs] What are you talking about? Jack loves you. 53 00:02:14,753 --> 00:02:17,761 No, Jack loves you. I came along with the deal. 54 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:20,246 See, you're the hamburger, 55 00:02:20,289 --> 00:02:22,993 and I'm that little cup of coleslaw. 56 00:02:23,036 --> 00:02:25,259 You don't order it, but... there it is on the plate. 57 00:02:28,136 --> 00:02:30,796 Gracie, all I want for my birthday 58 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,281 is for you and Jack to get along. 59 00:02:33,324 --> 00:02:35,068 Deal. Let me see it. 60 00:02:39,472 --> 00:02:43,047 - Could be worse. - How? How could it be worse? 61 00:02:43,090 --> 00:02:45,139 Oh, come on, Grace! I'm eating breakfast! 62 00:02:46,403 --> 00:02:49,063 [theme music] 63 00:03:01,138 --> 00:03:02,534 I need you to make a decision for me 64 00:03:02,578 --> 00:03:03,885 and I need you to make it now. 65 00:03:03,929 --> 00:03:05,542 Don't have the sex change. They never work out. 66 00:03:10,599 --> 00:03:11,689 Jack: Say you're sorry. 67 00:03:11,732 --> 00:03:13,564 Sorry. 68 00:03:13,608 --> 00:03:16,266 Okay, I've narrowed your birthday festivities 69 00:03:16,310 --> 00:03:18,228 down to a couple of choices, pick one. 70 00:03:18,272 --> 00:03:20,321 Drinks and dancing at The Spear. 71 00:03:20,364 --> 00:03:21,498 Oh, no. No. 72 00:03:21,542 --> 00:03:24,158 That bar is pure skank. 73 00:03:24,201 --> 00:03:25,857 It's no place to spend my birthday. 74 00:03:25,902 --> 00:03:27,994 It's more like a place to spend your birthday. 75 00:03:31,787 --> 00:03:34,010 Vicious, party of one. Vicious, party of one. 76 00:03:36,670 --> 00:03:39,285 Okay, second, and this is the one I'm really pulling for, 77 00:03:39,328 --> 00:03:42,599 you and me on a gay singles weekend cruise. 78 00:03:42,642 --> 00:03:44,299 Kind of a cruise... 79 00:03:44,342 --> 00:03:45,607 to cruise. 80 00:03:47,001 --> 00:03:48,920 Oh, yeah, that's where I want to be, 81 00:03:48,964 --> 00:03:50,402 on a boat, in the middle of the ocean, 82 00:03:50,445 --> 00:03:53,149 surrounded by a thousand lonely seasick queens 83 00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:54,806 weeping into their guacamole. 84 00:03:56,244 --> 00:03:58,816 Alright. You know what, that's it. I'm done trying. 85 00:03:58,860 --> 00:04:01,214 Make your own kind of music, sing your own special song. 86 00:04:02,565 --> 00:04:04,091 Jack, don't make a big deal. 87 00:04:04,134 --> 00:04:05,923 All I want is a nice little dinner 88 00:04:05,966 --> 00:04:07,841 just you, me, and Grace. 89 00:04:07,884 --> 00:04:08,887 Hmm. 90 00:04:09,976 --> 00:04:12,462 What's that? What's with the face? 91 00:04:12,505 --> 00:04:14,903 I don't like Grace. 92 00:04:14,947 --> 00:04:17,127 What are you talking about? You like Grace. 93 00:04:17,170 --> 00:04:19,436 I don't know, I'm sort of not into her right now. 94 00:04:19,481 --> 00:04:20,745 Sort of not into her? 95 00:04:20,789 --> 00:04:22,837 She's a person, not tandoori chicken. 96 00:04:25,061 --> 00:04:26,630 What's the problem? 97 00:04:26,674 --> 00:04:29,202 Well, ever since she's moved in, I never get any me time. 98 00:04:29,246 --> 00:04:31,120 Oh, Jack. 99 00:04:31,164 --> 00:04:32,908 All your time is me time. 100 00:04:34,521 --> 00:04:36,352 Can you try to make a little more effort 101 00:04:36,395 --> 00:04:38,706 with Grace, please? 102 00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:40,843 Alright, fine, but for the record, I've made an effort. 103 00:04:40,886 --> 00:04:43,371 Do you think I actually enjoy debating velvet versus velour? 104 00:04:45,115 --> 00:04:47,556 - You love that stuff. - Hey, I'm not that gay. 105 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,047 Yes, you are. 106 00:04:59,109 --> 00:05:00,591 [slurping] 107 00:05:07,785 --> 00:05:09,006 It's good coffee, hmm? 108 00:05:09,921 --> 00:05:11,011 Really good. 109 00:05:12,754 --> 00:05:14,585 [chuckles] Grace, 110 00:05:14,629 --> 00:05:16,853 Jack hates flavored coffees, too. 111 00:05:16,896 --> 00:05:18,466 Grace: Really? Will: Yeah. 112 00:05:18,509 --> 00:05:20,253 Jack, so do I. 113 00:05:20,297 --> 00:05:21,954 Yeah. Will just told me that a minute ago. 114 00:05:26,052 --> 00:05:27,316 You know, guys, my birthday's not for a week. 115 00:05:27,359 --> 00:05:28,973 Let's save some of the merriment 116 00:05:29,016 --> 00:05:29,975 till then, huh? 117 00:05:31,152 --> 00:05:32,155 Will: I know what we can do. 118 00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:33,375 Let's get "Entertainment Weekly," 119 00:05:33,419 --> 00:05:34,683 and play my favorite new game, 120 00:05:34,726 --> 00:05:35,948 Love Her, Hate Him. 121 00:05:35,992 --> 00:05:37,953 I'm gonna watch TV. 122 00:05:37,997 --> 00:05:39,697 You're gonna be missing out. It's a fun game, Jack. 123 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,397 I know it's fun. I invented it. 124 00:05:45,190 --> 00:05:47,980 - You hamburger, me coleslaw. - Come on, Gracie. 125 00:05:48,024 --> 00:05:49,157 It's your turn to be the official 126 00:05:49,201 --> 00:05:51,075 page-turner-slash-pointer. 127 00:05:51,119 --> 00:05:52,035 Okay. 128 00:05:54,389 --> 00:05:55,740 - Jada Pinkett. - Hmm. 129 00:05:55,783 --> 00:05:57,571 Hate her. 130 00:05:57,614 --> 00:05:59,228 Wow, that's kinda harsh. 131 00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:00,579 - I mean, she's not really-- - Will, you know the rules. 132 00:06:00,622 --> 00:06:02,585 Love or hate. No gray area, just like life. 133 00:06:04,895 --> 00:06:07,031 - Hate her. - Good boy. 134 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:09,037 This is a fun Friday night. 135 00:06:10,171 --> 00:06:13,963 Love her. Love, love, love her. 136 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:15,663 - Who is it? - Are you serious? 137 00:06:15,707 --> 00:06:17,190 It's Michelle Kwan. 138 00:06:17,233 --> 00:06:19,761 Who? Michelle who? 139 00:06:19,805 --> 00:06:21,766 Michelle Kwan, figure skater, 140 00:06:21,811 --> 00:06:23,642 Olympic silver medalist? 141 00:06:23,685 --> 00:06:25,167 Goddess on ice. 142 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:30,616 You like Michelle Kwan? 143 00:06:30,661 --> 00:06:32,796 I love her. 144 00:06:34,366 --> 00:06:36,067 So do I! 145 00:06:37,854 --> 00:06:39,467 She was so robbed! 146 00:06:39,511 --> 00:06:41,036 - At the Olympics! - Tell me about it. 147 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,477 She's a billion times better than Tara Lipinski. 148 00:06:43,521 --> 00:06:45,353 Don't even get me started with that little witch. 149 00:06:46,617 --> 00:06:47,968 - She's cocky. - The cockiest. 150 00:06:48,011 --> 00:06:49,668 Almost as cocky as Surya Bonaly. 151 00:06:49,712 --> 00:06:51,194 Oh, my God! 152 00:06:51,238 --> 00:06:53,287 - The best! Surya Bonaly! - Who? 153 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,423 - Surya Bonaly! - She's French. 154 00:06:55,467 --> 00:06:56,948 - She's powerful. - She's black. 155 00:06:56,992 --> 00:06:58,954 She wears blue eyeshadow, and does illegal backflips. 156 00:06:58,998 --> 00:07:00,698 She scares me. 157 00:07:00,742 --> 00:07:02,093 I crave her. 158 00:07:04,317 --> 00:07:05,319 - You want a cookie? - Yeah. 159 00:07:05,363 --> 00:07:07,019 'Kay. 160 00:07:07,062 --> 00:07:09,199 [chuckles] Look at you two, huh? 161 00:07:09,243 --> 00:07:11,423 I knew you guys would connect. 162 00:07:11,466 --> 00:07:12,730 Just didn't think it would be over something 163 00:07:12,774 --> 00:07:14,431 as lame as ice skating. 164 00:07:15,782 --> 00:07:17,089 Excuse me? 165 00:07:19,619 --> 00:07:20,970 Yeah, excuse me? 166 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:24,065 What's so lame about ice skating? 167 00:07:24,108 --> 00:07:26,289 Oh, everything. 168 00:07:26,332 --> 00:07:29,210 With the sappy music, the chiffon costumes. 169 00:07:29,253 --> 00:07:31,390 They put little matching fabric booties 170 00:07:31,433 --> 00:07:33,264 over their blades. 171 00:07:33,308 --> 00:07:35,051 Grace, I can't believe you're into it. 172 00:07:35,095 --> 00:07:36,752 Oh, but you can believe I'm into it? 173 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,782 Hi, this is Grace Adler of Grace Adler Designs. 174 00:07:47,825 --> 00:07:49,830 I'd like a dinner reservation for three on Tuesday. 175 00:07:49,874 --> 00:07:52,184 It's my best friend's birth-- 176 00:07:52,228 --> 00:07:54,408 All booked up? 177 00:07:54,452 --> 00:07:55,498 Would it make a difference if I told you 178 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,242 my best friend was Demi Moore? 179 00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:01,121 Believe me, I'm not crazy about her, either. 180 00:08:02,778 --> 00:08:04,129 Okay, bye. 181 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,050 Hi, honey. 182 00:08:07,094 --> 00:08:08,969 Oh, look who's back from lunch 183 00:08:09,013 --> 00:08:10,974 just in time for dinner. 184 00:08:11,018 --> 00:08:12,457 Oh, honey, don't tell me. 185 00:08:12,501 --> 00:08:14,201 Tell those slow waiters at Barney's. 186 00:08:15,988 --> 00:08:17,383 So, honey, what happened? What went on? 187 00:08:17,427 --> 00:08:19,868 Who stopped by? What did I miss? 188 00:08:19,911 --> 00:08:22,091 Well, I spent most of the afternoon 189 00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,707 trying to get a table at a good restaurant for Will's birthday. 190 00:08:24,750 --> 00:08:26,059 Honey, did you try Balthazar? 191 00:08:26,102 --> 00:08:27,454 Karen, Steak 'N Brew 192 00:08:27,497 --> 00:08:28,413 are spitting at me through the phone. 193 00:08:28,457 --> 00:08:30,200 How would I get a table there? 194 00:08:30,244 --> 00:08:32,511 Grace, I am your assistant. 195 00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:35,257 Now, I may not be a whiz at the-- 196 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:37,306 Computer. 197 00:08:38,484 --> 00:08:40,619 Or know how to work the-- [chuckles] 198 00:08:40,664 --> 00:08:42,363 Fax. 199 00:08:42,407 --> 00:08:45,153 But, honey, I do know how to get where I need to be. 200 00:08:45,197 --> 00:08:47,813 - Now, hand me the-- - Phone. 201 00:08:47,857 --> 00:08:49,514 Well, honey, I would have gotten that one. 202 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:54,832 Honey, what's this? 203 00:09:00,630 --> 00:09:03,987 Yeah, who's this? Uh-huh, well, get me Leante. 204 00:09:04,030 --> 00:09:05,687 Yeah, well, tell him it's Karen Walker. 205 00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:11,660 Okay, I'm starting to get it. 206 00:09:15,627 --> 00:09:17,065 Oh, yeah, hi, honey. 207 00:09:17,109 --> 00:09:19,812 Listen to me, I need your best table for dinner on-- 208 00:09:19,856 --> 00:09:21,076 - Tuesday. - Tuesday. 209 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,297 - 9 o'clock. - 9 o'clock. 210 00:09:22,340 --> 00:09:24,783 - Three people. - Well, thank you, honey. 211 00:09:24,826 --> 00:09:27,137 - I would love to come. - Three. 212 00:09:27,180 --> 00:09:28,793 Oh. Oh, no, no. Uh, w-- wait. 213 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:31,452 - Will just wanted to have-- - Problem, honey? 214 00:09:31,496 --> 00:09:32,543 Um. 215 00:09:33,414 --> 00:09:35,463 Make it four. 216 00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:37,992 Uh, Will's friend Jack may come along as well. 217 00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:40,564 Oh, fun. Make it four. 218 00:09:40,607 --> 00:09:43,223 Uh-huh. You, too. Gotta go. Yeah. 219 00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:45,185 Yeah. Leante, honey, I'm busy. 220 00:09:51,419 --> 00:09:52,988 The French, 221 00:09:53,033 --> 00:09:55,822 stinky and blah-ah-ah-- 222 00:10:01,926 --> 00:10:03,321 Put down the sports page and listen. 223 00:10:03,364 --> 00:10:04,759 You're only looking at the pictures anyway. 224 00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:05,936 That is not true. Hey! 225 00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:08,989 I'm a sports fan. I'm a sport-- 226 00:10:09,032 --> 00:10:10,863 Look here, it says right here that the Steelers lost 227 00:10:10,907 --> 00:10:12,607 by 17 points to... 228 00:10:12,651 --> 00:10:14,394 to these big guys with the big arms. 229 00:10:18,056 --> 00:10:20,236 Guess where we are having dinner 230 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:21,850 on your birthday. 231 00:10:21,893 --> 00:10:23,201 Gracie, I don't care where we-- 232 00:10:23,244 --> 00:10:24,726 Balthazar. 233 00:10:24,770 --> 00:10:26,732 Wow, caring a little more. 234 00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:28,824 Great food, cute waiters, the oysters you love! 235 00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:32,051 I love the oysters I love. How did you get us in? 236 00:10:32,094 --> 00:10:34,186 Karen. That's why she has to come along with us. 237 00:10:38,067 --> 00:10:39,680 What? Wh-- what? What's with the face? 238 00:10:39,724 --> 00:10:41,424 - Face? - Hello? 239 00:10:41,467 --> 00:10:44,825 I'm standing right here within face-viewing range. 240 00:10:44,868 --> 00:10:46,393 Karen? I mean-- 241 00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:48,137 I don't really have anything in common with Karen. 242 00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:50,491 I'll cancel. 243 00:10:51,843 --> 00:10:54,808 What am I saying? It's Balthazar. 244 00:10:54,852 --> 00:10:56,377 It'll be great. 245 00:10:56,420 --> 00:10:57,816 Cute waiters serving the oysters you love. 246 00:10:57,860 --> 00:10:59,472 Yeah, do you suppose I can get the oysters 247 00:10:59,516 --> 00:11:01,347 to serve the cute waiters I love? 248 00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:08,278 Smell this. Is it bad? 249 00:11:08,323 --> 00:11:10,284 It's got 12 more hours. 250 00:11:12,333 --> 00:11:14,513 - How can you know that? - It's a gift. 251 00:11:18,088 --> 00:11:20,791 You are so gonna be loving me. 252 00:11:20,835 --> 00:11:22,883 You, me, Will, Karen. 253 00:11:22,927 --> 00:11:24,802 Madison Square Garden. "Champions On Ice." 254 00:11:27,243 --> 00:11:28,420 - No. - Yes. 255 00:11:28,464 --> 00:11:29,771 - No! - Yes! 256 00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:31,995 Oh, my God! "Champions On Ice!" 257 00:11:32,039 --> 00:11:35,308 Oh, my God! I've always wanted to go! No! 258 00:11:35,351 --> 00:11:37,008 Yes! How much are you loving me right now? 259 00:11:37,052 --> 00:11:39,449 A lot! When? When? When are we gonna do this? 260 00:11:39,493 --> 00:11:40,976 - Tuesday night. - When are we-- Oh, my God! 261 00:11:41,019 --> 00:11:41,979 - Tuesday night! - Yeah. 262 00:11:42,022 --> 00:11:44,289 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 263 00:11:44,333 --> 00:11:47,951 No. No, wait. No, it's-- No. 264 00:11:47,995 --> 00:11:50,479 We can't go Tuesday night. It's Will's birthday. 265 00:11:50,523 --> 00:11:52,485 Oh. He doesn't care. 266 00:11:52,529 --> 00:11:54,447 He just wants us to get along. 267 00:11:56,932 --> 00:11:58,981 Plus, it's a chance to see Rudy Galindo in tights. 268 00:11:59,025 --> 00:12:01,030 No, I don't want to force Will to do something 269 00:12:01,073 --> 00:12:02,424 he doesn't want to do. 270 00:12:02,469 --> 00:12:04,997 Grace, we can go. I don't care. 271 00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:08,092 No, sweetie, it's okay. It's not that big a deal. 272 00:12:08,136 --> 00:12:10,839 Not that big a deal? You just jumped into Jack's arms. 273 00:12:10,882 --> 00:12:12,539 The last time a woman did that-- 274 00:12:12,583 --> 00:12:13,760 A woman has never done that. 275 00:12:17,639 --> 00:12:19,776 Really, Will? 276 00:12:19,819 --> 00:12:22,523 You're sure? Then we can go to Balthazar's right after? 277 00:12:22,566 --> 00:12:24,441 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, my God. Thank you. 278 00:12:24,484 --> 00:12:26,185 [kissing] 279 00:12:26,228 --> 00:12:28,539 Thank you, thank you. Whoo! 280 00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:30,980 - You're sure? - Yes! Yes, we're going. 281 00:12:31,024 --> 00:12:32,898 You, me, Jack, Karen. "The Ice Capades!" 282 00:12:32,941 --> 00:12:34,598 - "Champions On Ice." - Sorry. 283 00:12:41,268 --> 00:12:43,231 This is a far cry from Balthazar. 284 00:12:44,451 --> 00:12:46,369 Who do I have to tip to get out? 285 00:12:47,982 --> 00:12:50,119 Move! Legs, legs! Move! 286 00:12:52,691 --> 00:12:54,958 I'm here. I can't believe I'm here. 287 00:12:55,001 --> 00:12:58,227 It's all so wonderful. 288 00:12:58,271 --> 00:13:00,887 Pace yourself, Dorothy. It's the Zamboni machine. 289 00:13:03,982 --> 00:13:05,421 Where's the popcorn guy? 290 00:13:05,465 --> 00:13:07,731 If we're not gonna eat for two hours, I need popcorn. 291 00:13:11,088 --> 00:13:13,138 Well, happy birthday. 292 00:13:13,181 --> 00:13:14,793 Thanks. 293 00:13:14,838 --> 00:13:16,799 Here we are. [chuckles] 294 00:13:16,843 --> 00:13:18,761 Yep, here we are. 295 00:13:20,810 --> 00:13:22,423 Happy b-- 296 00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:24,167 Oh. We covered that. 297 00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:30,271 So, how old are you? 298 00:13:30,314 --> 00:13:31,884 How old are you? 299 00:13:33,845 --> 00:13:35,633 Grace, honey! How are we doing over there? 300 00:13:37,464 --> 00:13:38,902 I'm doing great. 301 00:13:38,946 --> 00:13:41,344 - Will, you okay? Can you see? - Much as I need to. 302 00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:44,221 I don't want to get too close, I might get sequin blindness. 303 00:13:44,265 --> 00:13:47,230 Hey! It's a sport! People win medals, huh? 304 00:13:47,273 --> 00:13:48,537 I'd like to see you do a double axel, double loop, 305 00:13:48,581 --> 00:13:50,629 double lutz, Mr. Man. 306 00:13:50,673 --> 00:13:53,027 Oh, there he is. Popcorn! 307 00:13:53,071 --> 00:13:55,076 Lord, look at these people. 308 00:13:56,297 --> 00:13:57,780 Losers! 309 00:13:58,869 --> 00:14:00,046 Not you. [chuckles] 310 00:14:06,368 --> 00:14:08,635 Karen, you brought champagne? 311 00:14:08,678 --> 00:14:11,730 What are you doing? You don't drink at "Champions On Ice." 312 00:14:11,773 --> 00:14:13,212 Honey, don't think of it as drinking. 313 00:14:13,256 --> 00:14:15,915 Think of it as mommy's little cotton candy. 314 00:14:19,665 --> 00:14:21,365 Will, you don't look like you're having fun. 315 00:14:21,409 --> 00:14:23,588 What are you talking about? I'm having a great time. 316 00:14:23,631 --> 00:14:25,201 "Champions On Ice." 317 00:14:25,244 --> 00:14:26,945 Whoo! Let's kick some butt! 318 00:14:29,386 --> 00:14:31,392 What? You said it was a sport. 319 00:14:31,436 --> 00:14:33,397 Will, honey, maybe a couple of belts of champagne 320 00:14:33,441 --> 00:14:35,402 will create the illusion that you're having fun. 321 00:14:35,447 --> 00:14:37,888 Excuse me. I'm fine. 322 00:14:37,931 --> 00:14:40,198 Really, I just want a little popcorn. 323 00:14:40,242 --> 00:14:42,029 Hey, popcorn! 324 00:14:43,598 --> 00:14:45,168 Oh, my God. 325 00:14:45,211 --> 00:14:47,522 - I'm getting chills. - Here he comes. 326 00:14:47,566 --> 00:14:49,092 Hey! Excuse me! 327 00:14:50,617 --> 00:14:52,580 He didn't hear me. 328 00:14:52,623 --> 00:14:54,323 Honey, I don't care. 329 00:14:54,367 --> 00:14:57,288 Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, 330 00:14:57,331 --> 00:14:59,773 please welcome the Champions On Ice! 331 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,080 [cheering] 332 00:15:03,130 --> 00:15:05,658 There they are, skating in the dark. 333 00:15:07,358 --> 00:15:09,756 - I think I see Surya. - Don't tease me. 334 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,936 Announcer: Two-time Olympic silver medalist. 335 00:15:11,980 --> 00:15:13,374 Announcer: Elvis Stojko! Will: Hey! 336 00:15:13,418 --> 00:15:14,639 Popcorn! 337 00:15:18,388 --> 00:15:19,957 Look at him! 338 00:15:20,001 --> 00:15:22,530 You wear those leather pants, Elvis! 339 00:15:22,574 --> 00:15:25,232 Announcer: And United States champion, Rudy Galindo! 340 00:15:25,276 --> 00:15:25,930 Hey! 341 00:15:30,071 --> 00:15:32,338 He's my hero! He's the gay one! 342 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:36,612 One? 343 00:15:36,655 --> 00:15:39,532 Up here, Rudy! Whoo! 344 00:15:39,576 --> 00:15:41,320 Will, you don't seem like 345 00:15:41,363 --> 00:15:43,805 you're into this ice crap either. 346 00:15:43,848 --> 00:15:46,507 Not particularly, but... 347 00:15:46,551 --> 00:15:47,946 Grace and Jack love it so much, 348 00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:49,647 I just wanted them to have a good time. 349 00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:53,003 But, honey, it's your birthday. 350 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,366 - How about now? - Okay, now. 351 00:16:13,275 --> 00:16:15,193 [blows a raspberry] 352 00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,768 Yep, we get it, Surya. 353 00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,032 You can skate. 354 00:16:22,256 --> 00:16:25,394 How much longer is "Champions On Ice?" 355 00:16:25,439 --> 00:16:28,708 You mean Endless On Ice? 356 00:16:28,752 --> 00:16:31,324 Pretty soon, I'd better be looking at some oysters on ice. 357 00:16:31,368 --> 00:16:32,893 I am starving. 358 00:16:32,937 --> 00:16:36,076 Skate faster! We have reservations! 359 00:16:44,664 --> 00:16:46,277 You're hating this, aren't you? Do you want to just go? 360 00:16:46,321 --> 00:16:48,239 No, no, no. You guys are having fun. 361 00:16:48,282 --> 00:16:49,678 That's all I want. 362 00:16:49,722 --> 00:16:52,991 That, and maybe a little popcorn! 363 00:16:53,034 --> 00:16:55,040 Are you sure? 'Cause if you're not having-- 364 00:16:55,084 --> 00:16:57,481 What? What? What did I miss, a backflip? 365 00:16:57,525 --> 00:16:59,618 No, no, no. Triple toe, double loop. 366 00:16:59,661 --> 00:17:01,797 No flip yet. Maybe she won't do it. 367 00:17:01,841 --> 00:17:03,236 No, she's gonna do it. 368 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,808 She didn't come all the way from France to not flip. 369 00:17:05,852 --> 00:17:08,293 - Popcorn! - Yes, popcorn! 370 00:17:08,336 --> 00:17:09,645 I've been calling you for like an hour. 371 00:17:09,688 --> 00:17:11,432 Oh. So you were the one. 372 00:17:11,476 --> 00:17:14,222 I thought it was the 49,000 other people that are in here. 373 00:17:16,882 --> 00:17:19,105 You don't have any brie and crackers 374 00:17:19,149 --> 00:17:20,674 in that thing, do you, honey? 375 00:17:20,717 --> 00:17:22,549 I'm warming your brie right now, lady. 376 00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:30,134 - Vendors. - Oh, this is like ancient. 377 00:17:31,878 --> 00:17:33,535 It's typical, you know. 378 00:17:33,578 --> 00:17:35,105 My birthday. 379 00:17:35,148 --> 00:17:36,805 Can't get what I want. 380 00:17:36,849 --> 00:17:38,374 Never do. 381 00:17:38,418 --> 00:17:40,162 You know, one year, I wanted 382 00:17:40,206 --> 00:17:42,211 this cool red fire engine. 383 00:17:42,254 --> 00:17:44,304 My mother got me a Water Wiggle. 384 00:17:44,347 --> 00:17:46,701 Decided it'd be more fun to slip and slide. 385 00:17:47,573 --> 00:17:49,927 More fun for who? 386 00:17:49,971 --> 00:17:52,325 Backflip, backflip. [screaming] 387 00:17:53,851 --> 00:17:55,072 Grace and Jack: Ohhh. 388 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:57,818 Grace: God, she faked us out. Will: Hello? 389 00:17:57,862 --> 00:17:59,823 You just knocked the popcorn out of my hand! 390 00:17:59,867 --> 00:18:01,611 Oh, I'm sorry, honey. It's okay. I'll get you another one. 391 00:18:01,654 --> 00:18:04,096 - Popcorn! - I don't want another popcorn! 392 00:18:04,139 --> 00:18:05,403 - I want that popcorn! - Popcorn! 393 00:18:05,448 --> 00:18:06,406 Grace, Grace, she's gonna do it. 394 00:18:06,450 --> 00:18:07,540 Took me two hours 395 00:18:07,583 --> 00:18:08,847 to get that guy's attention. 396 00:18:08,891 --> 00:18:10,287 - Grace, just-- - You know, it is my birthday. 397 00:18:10,330 --> 00:18:11,638 I mean, you'd think I could get a little attention 398 00:18:11,681 --> 00:18:12,641 on my birthday! 399 00:18:12,684 --> 00:18:13,861 - Will? - Grace, Grace-- 400 00:18:13,905 --> 00:18:15,562 [cheering] 401 00:18:18,134 --> 00:18:21,621 Uh-huh, oh, yeah, uh-huh, oh, yeah. 402 00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:24,803 Okay, and where did her legs go? Over her head! 403 00:18:24,847 --> 00:18:26,722 Okay, you have to admit that that was pretty damn-- 404 00:18:26,766 --> 00:18:28,378 Will? 405 00:18:28,423 --> 00:18:30,645 - Where did Will go? - Oh, he left, honey. 406 00:18:30,689 --> 00:18:31,822 He left? 407 00:18:33,610 --> 00:18:35,920 What, are you insane? You're gonna miss Rudy. 408 00:18:35,964 --> 00:18:38,057 Honey, where are you going? 409 00:18:38,101 --> 00:18:40,455 Don't leave me here with these ice freaks! 410 00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,207 Honey, this shirt on you is heaven. 411 00:18:52,008 --> 00:18:53,010 Grace: Will? 412 00:18:54,797 --> 00:18:55,713 Will? 413 00:19:01,773 --> 00:19:04,302 Alright, so I think I've got it now. 414 00:19:04,346 --> 00:19:07,702 When I ask and you say okay, and then I ask and you say okay, 415 00:19:07,745 --> 00:19:09,664 and then I ask and you say okay, it's really a cue to me to know 416 00:19:09,708 --> 00:19:11,365 that it's not okay. 417 00:19:11,408 --> 00:19:12,803 You see how easy it is? 418 00:19:14,286 --> 00:19:16,595 Alright, just so we're clear. 419 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,516 - You're insane. - I must be. 420 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,783 Every year, I end up doing what I don't want to do 421 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,225 in order to make everybody else happy. 422 00:19:24,268 --> 00:19:25,925 I'm still an eight-year-old. 423 00:19:25,968 --> 00:19:27,625 An eight-year-old with gray chest hair. 424 00:19:29,239 --> 00:19:30,895 One. 425 00:19:30,939 --> 00:19:33,206 One gray chest hair. 426 00:19:33,250 --> 00:19:35,342 Actually, none. I tweezed it this morning. 427 00:19:37,696 --> 00:19:39,615 It was taunting me. 428 00:19:39,658 --> 00:19:40,748 Jack: Hello? 429 00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:43,494 Jack: Hello? 430 00:19:44,890 --> 00:19:46,198 Hi, guys. 431 00:19:46,241 --> 00:19:48,203 Yeah, I just came by to get my-- Oh, here it is. 432 00:19:48,246 --> 00:19:49,729 "Entertainment Weekly" magazine. 433 00:19:51,386 --> 00:19:53,652 Oh, my God, what is that? 434 00:19:53,696 --> 00:19:56,006 A Rudy Galindo autograph? 435 00:19:56,050 --> 00:19:57,663 Well, I'll be a rat's ass. 436 00:19:57,706 --> 00:19:59,233 How did that get there? 437 00:20:01,587 --> 00:20:03,025 What'd you do, sign it yourself? 438 00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:04,202 Didn't have to. 439 00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,603 Should I wait downstairs, or what? 440 00:20:07,646 --> 00:20:10,524 Oh, my God. Rudy Galindo. 441 00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:12,660 Rudy and I are gonna go for coffee, and, uh-- 442 00:20:12,704 --> 00:20:15,406 Oh, happy birthday. He does not look 46. 443 00:20:15,450 --> 00:20:16,671 Lotta work. 444 00:20:20,377 --> 00:20:23,254 Well, another memorable birthday for the books. 445 00:20:23,298 --> 00:20:24,823 - Goodnight. - Excuse me, mister. 446 00:20:24,866 --> 00:20:27,220 Your birthday's not over yet. 447 00:20:27,265 --> 00:20:29,663 Now, what did you tell me you wanted 448 00:20:29,706 --> 00:20:32,801 more than anything when you were a little boy? 449 00:20:32,845 --> 00:20:34,371 You don't have a "Josie and the Pussycats" 450 00:20:34,415 --> 00:20:36,376 lunchbox in there, do you? 451 00:20:40,213 --> 00:20:43,089 Happy birthday, partner. 452 00:20:43,134 --> 00:20:46,185 My cowboy cake! 453 00:20:46,229 --> 00:20:48,627 - Look at him. - Do you love it? 454 00:20:48,670 --> 00:20:50,763 I love it so much I'm gonna sleep with it. 455 00:20:50,807 --> 00:20:52,463 Whatever gets you through the night. 456 00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:56,779 You know, you're not eight years old anymore. 457 00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:59,569 You can ask for what you really want. 458 00:20:59,613 --> 00:21:02,185 - Alright, next year-- - Mm-hmm? 459 00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:03,755 I want a real cowboy.